Euphoria.

Is it just me or whenever I listen to wonderful piano pieces or some really grand orchestra plays, I always experience some sort of euphoria. Or in layman's terms, it makes me feel HIGH.

I've also had frequent blackouts recently. Actually, it's been going for about 2-3 years now. After I've woken up from sleep or sitting in a place for too long (sometimes even just for 5 minutes!) my mind and eyes went blurry and black and I eventually have to stay still in a spot to recover back. I thought that maybe I have low blood pressure, but seriously, when it happens every single day I doubt that it has something to do with my blood.

Heh, I even fainted once while picking up the telephone because of these blackouts.

"Hello?"
"Hello? Ipah ko ni? Ni Abe Nal ni,....."
And then I fainted.

My sister said she saw me falling like a log (BAM!). Thank God there ain't any blood clots in my brain. But when I was trying to wake up, I feel like I can't move. I try to move my limbs and they ARE moving, but I can't seemed to get myself standing. So, there I was, on the floor, spastic. My sister thought I had a seizure. When I've finally woken up, my head hurts like hell (falling on the floor without any restrictions whatsoever) and my elbows and arms hurt too, perhaps from hitting the table. I was confused, and I saw my sister trying to laugh her ass off. I raaaaaaannnn to the nearest room and locked the door. I was laughing too, and at the same time my head hurts like hell. It was a really strange day........But my sister did pick up the phone and talk to Abe Nal. Kesian kat Abe Nal...

But guess what? Having these blackouts also makes me feel...ecstatic somehow. I also learned that you can experience euphoria when you feel light-headed. Man, I can be so weird sometimes.

9 feb.

Ahh. What a marvelous yet horrendous day. Marvelous as it is my birthday today. And horrendous as I've been having a very bad cold for 3 days now. I can't think of anything coz my mind is blocked right now. I'll resume when I get better. Ciao.

Trusts.

You know, there are times when we often think that this life is a bit shitty sometimes. Or in other times you feel like jumping off the roof. You've encountered so many unfortunate incidents that you're still wondering why you're still alive today. You thought that taking care of gremlins (mogwais are the cute ones) are dreadful enough. But well, it's your fate. You can't change what God has intended for you. And in every event or actions that we've done, there are hidden meanings behind them.

For example, you seem to treasure that beautiful, expensive item, but in the end, it broke anyways. You could opt for a cheaper item, but instead you need to buy the expensive one because it looks shiny and cool. Now, you regretted about buying that good-fer-nothing shit. Maybe you should buy the cheaper-but-has-the-same-functionality one in the first place. Ya get it??

Same goes to my situation. Although it didn't involve buying things, but it involved trusting human beings. I rarely speak to strangers, or others, simply because I don't have a big mouth and a cheerful, friendly attitude. But one day, I actually got the courage to talk to...let's say F.

F is very friendly, and easily approachable. F has many friends, so F is quiet famous. F is also talented, and I applaud F for his talents. F and I talked a lot back then, so I actually trusted F. I've also met F, and it was memorable. One day, I did something to F. But F responded it positively. I was happy. After a few weeks, F went silent. I started to question myself, did I do anything wrong? F was well-aware of my situation in those few weeks. Then, I opened a certain social networking site, to see what F is doing. I was shocked. F was a lying bastard after all. The end.

You see? Sometimes, you just can't trust people. They appeared good-natured at first, then they'll bite you back in the butt. But experiences like this is what makes you stronger and be more cautious in the future. Thanks to F, I'm not in the mood for that one particular thing that people get all crazy about. Yes, although I was feeling 'damn you mutha******!!' when I remembered about F, F taught me a valuable lesson in life, which is the above. Don't trust suspicious people easily and be careful when you see a two-faced goblin.

Setiap musibah yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. Thank you, God.







"Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again."